Resolutions and Revelations, Part 1

Before, while I was still in South Korea, I was looking forward to coming home, being with family for a while, and getting my life back to the way it was. But that's just it - you can't take a break from life, and then restart it whenever you want. For 3 years, South Korea was my life. As much as I was telling myself that things will be different when I get home (people would have moved on, done stuff, etc), I wasn't really mentally prepared for that.

I left South Korea 11 weeks ago, and to be honest, it feels longer. But, at the moment, I'm really questioning my motivations for coming back to Australia (notice that I didn't say "coming home"). I thought it would be good to be with my family for Christmas and New Year/Birthday, but actually now, i somewhat regret it. Sure, it was nice to see most of the extended family on Christmas, but it didn't do anything for me, emotionally. Put simply, family doesn't feel like family anymore, with one exception.

I also thought that having a birthday with family would be nice too. Basically, it wasn't. I have never felt more alone - even compared to times when I was South Korea. The only real person in my family who made an effort, was my mum (hence my Facebook Status update that said "Andy loves his Mum. She's fucking Awesome"). This also comes back to the idea that I wasn't ready for things being different when I come back. I didn't expect 3 extra people in the house, that I don't really know. But, I also didn't expect one family member to actually forget my birthday as well.

I'm feeling a bit like Ron Burgundy at the moment - in a glass cage of emotion.